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My dad wrote a book. An excerpt, if you will:

"My name is Tony. I'm 13, but don't have my pants around my ankles because thats stupid!! I had these powers for a while, so lets start the story 14 years ago"

I told my dad he uses exclamation points too often. I got in trouble for this. My dad is a fucking dick.
He says that "People use exclamation points to show a point or how strong they think things" Bullshit. You use them because you can only express anger without them.

Oh yeah. When my dads upset, he will find other things in the house to add to the pile. He describes this genius stroke of a process with an analogy that, in his own words, works roughly like this: "When you do something annoying I won't get mad at you. If you do more things annoying I won't mention it either. If you keep doing a whole lot of annoying things it will pile together and then I get fucking pissed and you get in trouble!!!" Even my younger brother points out, TO HIM, that this is a horrible practice.

So, back to the hellish nightmare that is my life. I read a few pages of his "book" which amounted to a horrible fanfic. I have a million fucking critiques for it, but only mentioned the line above, and only said it had too many exclamation points. He repeatedly yelled at me moments ago, saying that I OBVIOUSLY think that I'm smarter than him and that all I ever do is "critique the fuck" out of him. Then he walks around the house to add to the ammo. "You leave your window open when the air conditioner is on!" is added to the list, AS WELL AS "You turn the air conditioner off and open your window!" So, screwed if I do, screwed if I don't.

SPEAKING OF "screwed if I do, screwed if I don't" he gives loaded questions. So many. And rhetorical questions that he demands I answer. How the hell do you answer "When are you going to grow up?" or "When are you going to show initiative?" there is NO FUCKING WAY. I even told him "I don't know how to answer that" and he told me to answer "Now," as in "I will show initiative now" but when I tried that MOMENTS LATER (He repeats himself often) he said the answer was "Bullshit!!! you say that every time"

These added, he then looks for more. Pile of dishes in the sink? Oh yeah. Guess thats my fault. My rooms a mess? Ok, my shoes are on the floor. Thats about the only mess. Toilet paper roll is almost empty? Yes, but theres a fresh roll next to it. Nope, I'm getting in trouble because he doesn't believe I thought that the roll had any paper left, despite the fact it obviously did.

SO, to sum it up, he got angry that his writing paled in comparison to "My Immortal," so he found a bunch of excuses to yell at me and tell me I'm stupid. Oh, but if I agree, he yells at me. Did I forget to mention that? He has some preconcieved notion that I have intelligence, despite the fact I DON'T, and so if I do anything he thinks is smarter than him I get in trouble, but if I do anything too dumb I also get in trouble.

His preconceptions are absolutely retarded. My brother is 2 years younger than me and miles ahead intellectually, yet my dad has constantly assumed I am "The smart one" because I was called smart in 5th grade. My brother is in advanced classes, and yet the only time he was referred to as "the smart one" was a snarky aside meant to make me feel bad.

I. AM. DUMB. I have a high vocabulary, THATS IT.


I long ago abandoned this site, but I'm going to use it now to list a crapload of images

Disney Animation

My two cents, which should be a bigger amount because of inflation:

Phineas and Ferb is the only good writing disney has on right now, and I know thats not saying much, but its a kids show that uses terms such as red herring, running gag, and jumping the shark. I think it deserves some credit for its excellent writing.
Now, the other shows you mentioned.
Jake Long is a creative show and did a lot for what it was. What killed that for most of its audience was its sudden animation change. That was enough for most people to leave the show all together, which was a shame because the writing really improved near the end.
I think you forgot Lilo and Stitch by the way. I am reminded because disney decided to force four crossovers in that show one after another. (Jake Long, Proud Family, Recess, and Kim Possible... Pretty desperate and random.)
Brandy and Mr. Whiskers is... Kind of a guilty pleasure for me, but I feel much more satisfied than when I watch Family Guy. Take it for what it is: A tropical Ren and Stimpy. Crazy, zany humor, a LOT of cartoon vieolence, nonsensical plots, and cutaway gags.
The Buzz on Maggie... I'll give you that one, but at least it wasn't fly me to the moon. *Shudders*
The Replacements. Here we go. This show, again, you have to take for what it is. Its a nonsensical comedy. They thought of the easiest shtick. "What nonsensical device could we use to write the plot of every episode of a series?" They found it in the back of a comic book for gods sakes. You realize this show is as campy as any show from the 90's but with better animation? It did have one MAJOR flaw though, but I'll save that for later.
Last but not least, an emperors new school. Yes, its a spinoff. It had the same gimmick from the movies. (There were two.) And after a while the gimmick got old real fast. Why? The movie is still an enjoyable piece of animated history, hilarious in all of its antics, but here's the thing: They had a different set of writers. The new writers didn't know how to produce jokes on the same level, so they crutched on the jokes of the movie. That's why it got old real fast. The first episode was even a flashback. Tsk Tsk. But, at least they tried.
Now, here's the thing: They tried. You can lecture all day about how disney sucks now and all they have is live action, but what does their live action have that their animation doesn't? An audience. Why? Because you're too damned picky. They have attempted many decent animated shows, with their current crown jewel at the top of this list, and you won't give it the time of day. Its for this reason they have to get sneaky.
"Disney used to be cartoons," you'd cry out, "Why is it this live action now?" So you see a commercial. A commercial advertising a cartoon. You roll your eyes as disney uses celebrity spokesperson to help sell this idea to you. "This week catch sheldon date miley cyrus on the replacements!" You walk out of the room in disgust. But why? They wanted to get these new shows a fair chance with their old audience, now they're trying to show the teeny boppers and little tweens that they make cartoons too. Easy solution to draw in a crowd.

Am I saying that disney cartoons are all good? NO. But, give them each a fair chance. Find the diamond in the rough. Why even watch disney if you won't watch it for what it used to be. Disney is animation, but disney is live action now. Make the difference.


Ok, backstory time, theres a site called http://omegle.com/ where anyone can talk to anyone else. Heres the thing though. I was on asking anyone for cybering and the only one to answer was a guy named Eric. After he disconnected, I've been trying to randomly get a hold of him again. AND I DID. The conversation should end up being self explanatory:

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Hi
You: ERIC?
Stranger: do you know em
You: 09/02/09
Stranger: Oh, god..
Stranger: What's your name
You: do you mean "Do you know me" or do you mean "Do you know them"
You: ?
Stranger: me
Stranger: haha
You: Brian Atkins
You: Are you Eric?
Stranger: I'm Eric.
Stranger: yas
You: Asl?
Stranger: So Do I know you?
You: your 16 right?
Stranger: yes? right
Stranger: I dont know you
You: I told you to stick a sharpie up your ass, faggot.
Stranger: Lol
You: SO,
You: whats up?
Stranger: Nothing
You: Sex tiem?
Stranger: ys
You: Ok, I think I know you BTW
You: You wear boxers
You: you are circumcised
Stranger: How do you knowwwwwww me
You: you fap with oil lube
Stranger: I'm scared
You: I told you already.
You: I got you to 'bait while I typed things.
Stranger: Where do you live
You: You pulled boxers past your nuts and it hurt
You: california
You: Oh, and sharpie
Stranger: Where do you live exactly
Stranger: ya
You: Umm, no, I don't think I'll tell you THAT
Stranger: Why
You: Because, party van.
You: mailbomb
You: Anonymous will get me.
Stranger: No. anyone
You: :D
Stranger: ha
Stranger: FFFFFFF
You: Frequently asked questions?
Stranger: hhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Stranger: Lol
You: So, Eric, anyway,
Stranger: you're so cute.
Stranger: What
You: Did you enjoy that one fap after 2 weeks of not doing it?
Stranger: .......Secret.
You: ...
Stranger: Haaaaaaaaaa
You: Tickle the back of your scrotum anytime in the past few days?
Stranger: I'll not saying anything.
You: Hmmm....
Stranger: It's for you
You: What is?
Stranger: What's your age
You: ... Can't say age or address on internet, because then other people would know.
Stranger: I dont remember that or I dont know yor age
Stranger: No. I can shut up
Stranger: Tell me THAT
Stranger: Pls
You: I never told you my name or age last time, purposefully changing the subject for afforementioned reason.
You: If you don't tell that, you can be any age in the other persons mind.
You: How many Discussions end once you say your 16 yrs old? A lot?
Stranger: Really
You: :/
Stranger: Oh.... and tell me where do you live
Stranger: LA or where
You: I know my names pretty common actually, and you can find quite a few on google.
You: I can probably look one up for you.
You: ALSO, as far as you know, I could have lied anyway.
You: Do you have any evidence connecting me to that name or state?
You: Nom de plume mah boi.
Stranger: means?
You: Fake names.
You: Address.
Stranger: Ha cute.
You: Mark twain, for example, was only the name he used when he wrote books.
Stranger: Ohhhhhhh boring
You: What I mean by this is, thats not my real name.
Stranger: you have a twitter account
You: Samuel Langhorne Clemens (November 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910),[3] better known by the pen name Mark Twain, was an American author and humorist.
Stranger: Ok Not your name
You: I do have a twitter, but I won't tell you that either.
Stranger: so........
You: yes?
You: Eric?
Stranger: m or f
Stranger: M?
Stranger: Female?
You: Ah. I can tell you that. M
You: Male
You: I also purposefully avoided that question last time as well.
You: :)
Stranger: ok.so what do you want
You: We are anonymous
Stranger: Ha cute.
You: we are legion
You: we never forgive
You: and we never forget.
Stranger: Hhhhaaaaa It's romantic
You: ... NOT exactly.
You: So, I ask you,
Stranger: tell me
You: Eric,
You: Do you liek Mudkips?
Stranger: hum
You: Eric, you are only 16 years old, and you talk to strangers online and have cyber sex readily.
You: I have that conversation saved on my other computer.
You: You were ready.
Stranger: Wait. I got2peeeeeeeeee
You: 3rd post, you already had your pants down.
You: Fine, touch your penis again.
You: Describe how it feels.
Stranger: done
Stranger: ha fun
You: Of all the people on all the internet, what are the chances we meet here twice.
Stranger: Ya twice
Stranger: But I dont want that now
You: So far anyway...
You: We could meet irl.
You: You would never know.
Stranger: wait a sec.
You: For all you know, I'm in your school. I could be your teacher, the janitor, or even the principal.
You: I could be a bus driver.
You: I could just be some old man walking nearbye.
Stranger: No way
Stranger: wait a sec.
You: But, then again, I might not be.
You: k.
Stranger: I'm back
You: Ok.
Stranger: What are you doing now
You: Typing you dipshit, what did you expect? No wait, I'm juggling chainsaws and gasoline
Stranger: Do you know Rain
You: Chocalate rain?
Stranger: singer
You: No.
Stranger: Korean singer
Stranger: So sexy
You: I'm not a middle america 16 year old emo fag.
Stranger: So hot
You: Do you know stephanie?
Stranger: sure
You: Pink hair and clothes, lives in Lazy town. Good at baking cakes.
Stranger: How do you know stephanie
You: Also, a good generic name.
Stranger: Ha
You: Its like asking, do you know jennifer? Your at a high school. Of course theres a jennifer. Probably a few. You would think of one in particular though.
You: SO
You: Tell me more about yourself Eric.
Stranger: Why
You: Why not?
Stranger: I dont even know your name
Stranger: you're a just stranger in here
You: I told you, but I also told you why I can't.
You: You know, to me, you're the stranger.
Stranger: But we met
You: And to everyone else who reads this from my end...
Stranger: ONCE
You: And wasn't that fun?
Stranger: It's funny ya
You: You know you enjoyed every bit of it.
Stranger: word up
You: Even the sharpie bit.
Stranger: But...............now I feel so sleeping \
You: Yeah, we should meet irl, or at least talk on the phone.
Stranger: I wanna go your home right off
You: I'm just a teenager fucking around BTW.
Stranger: Shit
You: I think you said you were in Ohio?
You: Or something?
Stranger: NOT Ohioooooooooooou
You: K.
You: I may or may not be in california, which may or may not be too far away for you to come over.
Stranger: I have a carrrrrrrr
Stranger: My father's
You: State wide trip to find random person you don't know the name of who made you fap?
You: o.0
Stranger: Coz I'm dipshit
You: Seems either like huge amount of revenge or huge amount of thanks?
Stranger: Dunno
You: I do admire the thought though Eric.
You: You really should get a Skype account.
You: Then we could talk without random happenstance.
Stranger: right
Stranger: Lol
You: No, I'm serious. Olive branch of peace and whatnot.
You: I would like to go to just friends.
You: Or, at the very least, fap buddies.
Stranger: Oh, ya?
You: You IM me me when you want to fap.
You: I oblge and cyber with you.
You: No strings attached.
You: *Oblige
Stranger: hhhhhhhhhhhha
You: So?
Stranger: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhhh I have to go to beddd
You: K, email?
You: Mine is landbasered@yahoo.com
Stranger: Ok. Byeee
You: :D
You have disconnected.

Regular readers will have a blast with personal in jokes.

I think fake Nick Jonas wanted to get laid

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: 09/02/09
Stranger: hey whats up i'm nick jonas
You: No way
You: Prove it
Stranger: ask me anything
You: Why has disney forsaken what they were famous for, animation, and instead try to make stupid and pointless shit like hannah montanna and jonas brothers that nobody likes?
Stranger: obviously we're likeable if we have thousands of fans screaming our names at every concert
You: Obviously those are little girls who will like any boy band, and I don't care what a promise or whatever ring is, you're selling sex and you know it.
Stranger: not true, we inspire many young kids and teenagers they don't only like us for our looks
You: So then why do you spend hours in make up if they don't care what you look like?
Stranger: we actually don't wear makeup....... and we do care what we look like, we're normal teeangers who like to look presentable. look at every other band like boys like girls and all time low they wear makeup and spend hours getting ready, i don't see you complaining about them
Stranger: and i'm sure you spend time in front of the mirror before you go out
You: 1. I complain about any band that sells sex to prepubescents 2. I wear a hat and have acne, and don't look in mirrors unless I'm brushing my teeth.
Stranger: surprising
You: I know right.
Stranger: we like to spend timee talking to fans
You: Ok.
You: On omeggle?
You: Odd, but ok.
Stranger: how else? want us to do a live chat every second we get? or somehow get their numbers and talk on the phone
You: So, I saw a commercial on the disney channel for an episode of Jonas. According to what I saw on the commercial, the episode involved these jonas brothers trying unsuccesfully to transfer old vhs family movies to dvd, resulting in them having to reenact all of the ruined film.
You: Now, I ask you
Stranger: fun filming that episode
You: Is this episode one of your favorites, or one of your least favorites?
Stranger: favorites
You: SO, ok, this idea actually is a refreshing turn from normal disney sitcom cliches, and I like the premise, but have never actually seen it.
You: But, obviously, I am a fan of animation. I saw this commercial during a rerun of phineas and ferb.
Stranger: haha love that cartoon! but no JONAS is actually a good show if you ever take time out and watch it
You: I was tempted to see it, but with the laugh track on all other shows I've seen, I wasn't so sure.
Stranger: there was a new episode on tongiht
You: Does JONAS have a laugh track?
You: Ah, I haven't seen it.
Stranger: ohh that one focuses mostly on joe though
You: ...
You: *Jokes may be flying over your head at a rate of 96 miles per hour*
You: I know like NOTHING about your group, k?
Stranger: oh?
You: Yeah.
Stranger: well we're a group of three bothers on our third tour and the ladies love us
Stranger: thats all you need to know (:
You: I'm like 18, so if I were to even research your group, there'd be a LOT of backlash in my peer group.
Stranger: maybe, but believe it or not most of the people that come to our concerts are in the age group 14-18
You: AH, did I mention I have a Y chromosone? I think that makes a difference.
Stranger: oh your a dude
You: Yes.
You: Is this a problem?
Stranger: nope, now it makes sense why you don't like our whole look
You: :|
You: But, anyway, you said you love Phineas and ferb?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.


you still coming over tomorrow?


Ok, I get it.
*Takes hat off*

hey kate!

Stop missing me.


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